Welcome To The World of Gran'ma Gertie!

Howdy Ya’ll!

Welcome to the world of Gran’ma Gertie! I reckon I aught to interduce myself. I was borned Gertrude Maybell Smith somwheres around a hunderd years ago. I been married to the same old geezer fer what seems like forever. I got more gran’young’uns than a pear trees got blooms in springtime. I got my share of wrinkles, and my hair’s been gray fer so long that I done fergot what color it used to be. I’ve always been a big ol’ strong gal. My daddy used to say it was ‘cause I come from good stock. I was born and bred in the country, and never took a shine to the city. Except for my ol’ man. He was a city boy all the way, and thru and thru ‘till I got hold of ‘im! Had to teach him everything he knows. Now that you know a little bit about me, I reckon we can discuss a few things, you know, chew the fat a bit.

I reckon at my age, I’ll never git used to all the new things this world keeps comin’ up with. Some of my gran’young’uns just spent around $300.00 dollars fer me a miker-wave. They said it would cook real fast. I just ain’t figered out what they think a rotatin’ light bulb is gonna cook! It does make a perty good shelf to put some of my what-nots on, though. I reckon I’d like the clock part too, if’n it did’t blink 12:00 all the time!

It seems to me that the women now-a-days have just about cut off their noses to spite their faces. What with all the new fangled gadgets and thing-a-ma-jigs they got now. Take them biscuits in a can fer instance. Now that they ain’t got a use fer a rollin’pin, what do they think they’re gonna WHOP their ol’ man with if’n he needs it? Only thing I can think of is to fix them sudden biscuits in a cast iron skillet and use that to hit him with.

They got telephones that do everything but make a phone call. I, fer one, sure don’t like them answerin’ machine things. I don’t need some machine tellin’ me to leave a message, I ain’t so old I cain’t call back!

They got cars you have to plug in and teli-visions that you don’t, addin’ machines that are so little you gotta have a magnifyin’ glass to use ‘em, and radios so big it takes two people to tote ‘em. They got perfume that’s s’posed to smell like real vaniller flavorin’, but they use imitation flavorin’ in their cookin’. They got take out food that s’posed to taste like homemade, and their homemade taste like it should be took out, maybe to the dawgs!

Women used to know their place. Then some gal must’a thought we ought to get smart and start makin’ us a new place. These modern women got things so messed up, I’m beginnin’ to wonder if’n we were better off where we were.

What with all the gadgets and such we got now, I don’t know whether I wish we could go back to yesterday, or whether I should just keep hangin’ on to see what the heck is next!!

‘Till next time,

Gran’ma Gertie